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Bad Game Ideas III

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Bad Game Ideas III

Yeah, it's just about time for another segment of the worst game ideas in the history of mankind. Aren't you ashamed of me?

Tobacco Advertising -- You're a slimy tobacco rep with a heart of gold. Sell deathsticks to children and the elderly with advanced military psy-ops research. Can you hit the button fast enough to dodge health groups? Bonus mission: Lying to government.

Sleaze -- The political game of life. Take the role of a Canadian cabinet MP and work your way up through your party's ranks and eventually to Prime Minister. Carbomb your opponents, hide children in their beds and start fistfights at debate. Anything's possible when democracy breaks down.

Up To Snuff -- An artistic murder simulator, just in time for Valentine's Day. Hire actors and actresses, then kill them and film the carnage. Advanced heuristic engines compare their grisly demises to the real-world tastes of snuff connoisseurs.

HTML -- You're a web browser navigating through an increasingly tangled WWW over the years. Move from dealing with simple page tags to slightly complex javascript embedding tags, to the all-out world of insane nesting and terrible CSS support. The only limit is your rendering time!

Gossip -- Talk to celebrities, then blow what they say completely out of proportion. In the inventive Paparazzi minigame, harass them with your automobile until they crash, then photograph the wreckage for even more profit! And they think conventional videogames are sick.

Public Transit -- You're a public transportation manager. Only problem is, you're drunk off your ass. And underfunded. With a union blocking you every step of the way. Navigate meetings, angry fights with your spouse, and drunken attempts to light yourself on fire with the alcohol wafting from your breath, all to make sure that your average commuter gets to work on time.

Software Pirates! -- Sid Meier's Pirates! is an excellent game, but it hasn't been updated for the new age of raping and pillaging. In Software Pirates! you will take the role of a pre-teen navigating the Internet via his PC trying to avoid spyware patrols and the RIAA's killer goons. Yar! Can ye make off with the precious bounty of MPEG Audio Layer 3 files, or will ye walk the plank?

Turkey Fight VI -- During yet another Thanksgiving full of mishaps, your extended family has finally snapped and gone into a bloody free-for-all. You must survive long enough for the police to arrive and tear-gas the hell out of your Aunt Edna, whose piledriver attack has been known to split spines. Use your gun cabinet, medicine cabinet, or liquor cabinet in an attempt to fight off your semi-related enemies. Riveting.

Lightbulb -- Advanced HDRI technology has gone into this simulation of a lightbulb. On, or off. But beware -- if you flick it too many times, the lightbulb will burn out and advanced DRM software will require you to buy another copy of Lightbulb!

Deterministic Finite Automata -- You assume the game's namesake in an attempt to process strings. Which state do you go to? Can you do it fast enough to satisfy an angry theoretical mathematician? Expansion packs allow non-determinism as well as Turing Machines. Electronic Turing Machines called it "Riveting".

Contemporary English Literature -- Assume the role of an advanced professor of English literature. Exciting puzzle action ensues as you attempt to convey its importance to bored hard-science students and drunken liberal-arts students. Expansion packs allow for you to fire a revolver into the ceiling and make bigoted political remarks.

Red Eye -- Restore old photographs in this riveting photoshop simulator. But beware! Your customers are stupid and quick to anger!

New York Subway -- The exciting game of time management and disorganization continues with this implementation of New York City's favourite pastime. Try to figure out how many swipes your MetroCard has left on it, deal with angry bums armed with nine millimeters and hold on for dear life when your drunken train engineer has decided to go full steam ahead through a sewage duct!

Home and Garden -- Play as a contractor paid to refinish the home of a yuppie with little or no direction. Can you decode vague instructions like "I want it as cool as Will and Grace's kitchen" without going absolutely batshit insane? Realistic physics engines drive the nailgun and skull fracture sequences.

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