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Bad Game Ideas #0

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Bad Game Ideas I

Yet another section of Bad Game Ideas is present for your viewing pleasure now. You may observe, fear, and record your displeasure at my demented brain.

Don't like the ideas? Go ahead and send your own list. I might even publish it.

  • Tristris: Organize an infinite number of Tetris clones in your game store to sell the maximum amount. Daze fanboys by tossing Final Fantasy pieces at them when they come to bother your paying customers!

  • Amateur Mercenary: Enter a war zone armed only with your revolver, down-home attitude and complete lack of tactics barring cowboy movies.
  • Yahoo! The Game!: Similar to Monopoly, move from square to square cutting services and announcing too-late improvements to your service everyone already has. Bonus level: Banner Ad Lane

  • Trunk: Someone from the Mob has put a body in your trunk. What's worse, the cops know. Embark on a dangerous and exciting adventure as you try to flee to Mexico with the body of somebody else's housecleaner keeping your spare tyre company.

  • Creative Accounting: This challenging puzzle game demands that you attempt to manipulate financial records for your maximum personal gain! Can play with saved character files from "Congressional Lobbyist Manager 2004".

  • Fundie: Similar to Streets of Rage, you must wander the streets of today's neo-Pagan hellholes thrashing scientists, abortionists, gay rights lobbyists, Communists and feminists. It's what Uncle Joe McCarthy would have wanted!

  • LSD: The Game: America's #1392 pastime comes home to your personal videogaming system. Get high on a complex molecule, then use the game's powerful shader engine to deconstruct reality. Watch for the optional "Flashback" expansion pack, coming out late 2007.

  • Alternate Reality: Find out if your parents really would have been better off if you were never born. Powerful TARDIS3D engine allows you to fully realize the benefits of birth control.

  • USENET: Keep your "signal" meter up while killing trolls on a realistically simulated Usenet newsgroup. Dodge porn spam, creepy stalkers and Mixmaster posts as you make your way to the King of the Nerds.

  • Glue: You have a bottle of Elmer's glue in a pre-school classroom. Feed them glue, or just sit back and snort it -- the choice is yours! Uses an overly expensive fluid physics engine for maximum glue realism. Electronic Glue Monthly gave it a 10 out of 10, saying only that "Glue is a ... not too bad game for the ... glue ... fan"

  • Defendant: You're on trial for a crime you probably committed. Can you cause a reasonable doubt through theatrics, tainted testimony and bribes? If the glove doesn't fit, you have done your job. Master players can unlock the "Chewbacca Defense", which obliterates all opposing testimony in a fashion not unlike a nuclear bomb.

  • Sanitation Worker: Sick of all those free-roaming games with mercenaries, criminals and cops? Play a game with a real everyday hero. Drive from sewage incident to incident, quickly resolving the problem before it boils over. Action comes to a head (literally) when fecal waves engulf the Mayor's mansion and only you can save him and your cushy union job!

  • Volunteer Police Sniper: Facing a budget cut, the local police department has decided to follow the fire department and have volunteer police officers. You are the crack negotiator, the sharp shooter, the emotionless killing machine. Take down 30 of the Midwest's worst bad guys with your highly inaccurate rifle scope and improperly chosen bullets. The good ol' boys never had it so good!

  • Trainriding: In the spirit of the film Trainspotting, this game takes you through a realistically rendered Edinburgh, in which you must get to the proper trains on your way to work... or die! Edinburgh Gaming Monthly gave it 8/10 stars, saying "There have been better attempts at train-riding simulators, most notably Konami's excellent Metal Grope Schoolgirls series"

  • Embedded Reporter: You're a journalist with dodgy ethics. Create incidents beetween various militaries, factions, and civilian groups in order to snap the best pictures of destruction -- or just cause all of the incidents yourself. The choice is yours.

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